So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
