Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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