Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize