He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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