i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
false alarm. still invincible.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
