I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
