Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize