he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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