Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
