I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish