Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was

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(410): Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was http://tfl.nu/b47l

Replies (14) Good night (770) Bad night (1488)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.

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(412): I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong. http://tfl.nu/sjar

Replies (25) Good night (801) Bad night (3249)
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(330): View more from Ohio

When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...

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(330): When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward... http://tfl.nu/3xfe

Replies (36) Good night (1422) Bad night (9424)
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(425): View more from Washington

If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.

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(425): If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower. http://tfl.nu/0936

Replies (11) Good night (3588) Bad night (1693)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked

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(902): I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked http://tfl.nu/oens

Replies (7) Good night (3030) Bad night (1089)
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(478): View more from Georgia

Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.

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(478): Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up. http://tfl.nu/imv1

Replies (11) Good night (4223) Bad night (1689)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?

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(814): There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/ijar

Replies (5) Good night (1301) Bad night (562)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina

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(313): I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina http://tfl.nu/zo54

Replies (5) Good night (3097) Bad night (834)
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(212): View more from New York

You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.

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(212): You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne. http://tfl.nu/l5in

Replies (13) Good night (2042) Bad night (763)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.

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(651): Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker. http://tfl.nu/umuy

Replies (13) Good night (1432) Bad night (590)
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(+61): View more from Australia

The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger

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(+61): The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/x8sq

Replies (4) Good night (619) Bad night (1184)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing

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(208): Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing http://tfl.nu/2w9q

Replies (7) Good night (461) Bad night (900)
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(616): View more from Michigan

my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!

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(616): my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES! http://tfl.nu/l6hp

Replies (5) Good night (642) Bad night (785)
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(251): View more from Alabama

you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"

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(251): you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss" http://tfl.nu/0f55

Replies (1) Good night (585) Bad night (543)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

That was so not worth putting pants on for.

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(402): That was so not worth putting pants on for. http://tfl.nu/h6f3

Replies (1) Good night (306) Bad night (383)

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