She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
It's a yes or no question.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?