she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?