Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.