This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
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You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.