The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left