when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
