So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
