Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
