do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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