he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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