The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
