My Higher Power is John Stamos
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize