is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
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I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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