Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
