I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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