you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
