Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
