the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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