New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
