this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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