oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
