Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
