I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
