i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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