We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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