Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
