i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
