Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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