Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
