i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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