The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
