you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
