he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
