Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
