does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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