I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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