Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
