WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
