tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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