You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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