We're like a lot better than the average bears
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
