I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
