I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
