I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
love makes seman taste better
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
