We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
