Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
