so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
