Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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