I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
