Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm passing your future prison.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
