SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
