i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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