do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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