brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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