ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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