At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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