I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
