My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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