Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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