Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
