If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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