I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
